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Explaining My Depression To My Mother

Awareness · Depression · Expression · Health · Inspiration · Pain · Personal · Self Harm · Social Media · Truth · Writing

Project Semicolon Founder Dies At 31

*****For me, personally, this has been really hard to hear. And, yes, I know, we weren’t friends or even knew each other at all, but it still makes me emotional. As a teen I battled Depression, Eating Disorders, Suicidal Ideation, Self Harm and other severe things as well. I am now a 22 year old Chronic Illness Blogger who found a way to make it through the toughest years of my life with the one thing I love most in the world-My writing. If you ever need to talk, don’t hesitate to call/text/message me anytime whatsoever. If you need someone, I am here.*****

Amy Bleuel, founder of Project Semicolon, died on March 24 at the age of 31.

A death notice from Pfotenhauer Funeral Homes & Cremation Services in her hometown of Green Bay, Wisconsin, says Bleuel is “at peace in Heaven with her father.”

The cause of her death has not been reported.

Bleuel started Project Semicolon — a movement to help those struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide — in 2013 after her father committed suicide. Many supporters and followers of the organization have inked themselves with the semicolon symbol in solidarity. Bleuel herself had semicolon tattoos on her left arm (for her dad), the back of her right leg (for her best friend) and one on her left arm (for herself).

“The semicolon was chosen because in literature a semicolon is used when an author chooses to not end a sentence,” Bleuel told PEOPLE in July 2015. “You are the author and the sentence is your life. You are choosing to continue.”

Hundreds of people inspired by Bleuel’s work on behalf of mental health advocacy have taken to social media to express their condolences.





The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention released a statement expressing sympathies: “With her prolific semi-colon campaign, she brought real awareness to an issue that is often misunderstood and can be complex in nature. Amy’s life was a testament that one person truly can make a difference. She had a powerful voice that gave others the confidence to speak openly about mental health.”

A service for Bleuel will be held at Pfotenhauer Funeral Home and Cremation Service in Green Bay, Wisconsin, from 9:30 a.m. to 12:00 noon on Saturday, April 1, 2017.

If you or someone you know needs support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741. For more information on Project Semicolon, visit

Autoimmune · Awareness · Chronic Fatigue Syndrome · Chronic Illness · Chronic Pain · Depression · Endometriosis · Expression · Health · Inspiration · Interstitial Cystitis · Invisible Illness · Links · Social Media · Writing

Tips From Chronic Illness Bloggers

I have been a member of Chronic Illness Bloggers for quite a while now, and I am just amazed at how much I am learning, and getting to know more of the Chronic Illness Bloggers that are also members.

Each week, or sometimes more often, we are sent emails that detail all the things that have happened that week, and I saw this and I just had to share with all of you! At first when I started blogging, I figured that just my family and a few friends would follow my blog, and that was okay. Since becoming a Chronic Illness Blogger, my stats and followers have skyrocketed using these tips which you can find HERE, and from having the amazing chance to participate in some amazing opportunities and share what I have learned. If you are a Chronic Illness Blogger who would like to have this chance, you can find out more HERE.


A Day In The Life With Chronic Pain · Autoimmune · Awareness · Books · Chronic Fatigue Syndrome · Chronic Illness · Chronic Pain · Depression · Expression · Health · Inspiration · Interstitial Cystitis · Invisible Illness · Links · Mental Illness · Personal · Social Media Sites · Writing

Stretched Too Thin….?

So I am going back and forth trying to decide if I want to take on another blog and have it focus on the different diseases that people have and how it effects them and those in their lives. I  have this blog, obviously, but I would like to make a new one that focuses completely on other diseases and illnesses besides mine.

I just finished reading a book called You’re Not You by Michelle Wildgen. And if the book wasn’t amazing enough, there was a movie made in 2014. You can see the trailer HERE.

Bec is adrift. It’s the summer before her junior year in college. She’s sleeping with a married professor, losing interest in her classes, and equivocating about her career. She takes a job caring for Kate, a thirty-six-year-old woman who has been immobilized by ALS.

As it turns out, before the disease Kate was a stylish and commanding woman, an advertising executive and an accomplished chef. Now, as she and Bec spend long days together, Bec begins to absorb Kate’s sophistication and her sensuality, cooking for her, sharing her secrets, and gradually beginning to live her own life with a boldness informed by Kate’s influence. The more intense her commitment to Kate, the further Bec strays from the complacency of her college life. And when Kate’s marriage veers into dangerous territory, Bec will have to choose between the values of her old life and the allure of an entirely new one.

My husband is worried I am pushing myself too hard, which I probably am, but this is something I would love to do, either on my normal blog or create a new one.

I want to learn more about other illnesses and help others any way that I can because I understand what it’s like to feel like you need t0 be able to handle your illness yourself.

I understand how you spend months, even years being told that your illness is all in your head and as much as you try to convince others that it’s not, the more you start wondering if what they said is true, maybe it was all in your head.

I understand how diagnosis changes your life in more ways than get more most people even realize, especially if you have in invisible illness and you look fine on the outside.

I know how validating it is the moment the doctor comes in and says you have a Chronic/Invisible/Fatal illness. You sit there, your hands fidgeting, your heart beating so fast you think you might pass out. You want to scream at them to tell you what the tests said already, not try and make small talk first.

You are so relieved that your illness is not in your head, that you are not crazy, there actually was something wrong with you this whole time and if you would have listened to the people who told you it was probably nothing and that they wouldn’t bother going to the doctor for something so minor, you may not have caught this fast enough to help stop the progression of the symptoms. You (Well, I know I did) feel a little guilty satisfaction and smug when you tell those who doubted you that you do have something wrong with you and that they were wrong.

I know what it feels like when the relief that it wasn’t in your head goes away. Finally, I have a diagnosis and it wasn’t in my head after all! Then, sometime later after the doctor leaves and you go back home, you crash. Hard. You’re whole world has changed. It suddenly hits you that nothing will ever be the same again. You spend hours imagining how life would be from now on and how you imagine handling it. No Scenario can even come close to what really happens when you get sick.

When you get sick, everyone always says “I am always here for you.” but in my experience they say that but always end up walking away the moment you start struggling with your illness and you cannot go places or do the things you used to do. They loved hanging out with you and constantly making plans as the person you were before. They are always there for you when you are healthy and can keep up. They aren’t there for you when you get sick because you cannot go places and do the things you used to do. You change; physically and emotionally. You become a different version of you. You have to stop going the pace you were before. You’ve had to take a step back from things you love.

And….end ramble 😐

But my husband is probably right. I currently have 13 social media sites just for my blog that I try to keep up with, I have two Facebook pages that I created, my personal Facebook, Beautiful Tarnished Spoonies Facebook Group I made, and I work for Chronic Illness Bloggers.
I want to know what you all think. Comment below or reach me on any of my Social Media Sites! I will take some more time to think about it, but do you think it is  a good idea?
Awareness · Chronic Illness · Chronic Pain · Depression · Endometriosis · Expression · Health · Inspiration · Interstitial Cystitis · Invisible Illness · Links · Mental Illness · Random · Social Media Sites · Writing

Beautifully Tarnished Spoonies

I know I posted about this before, but I am updating it to be more current. Most of you know that I have started a support group for Spoonies on Facebook. When I started it, it was called One Spoon At A Time. After finding out there is a group with the same name on Facebook, me and my amazing group have decided to change the name to Beautifully Tarnished Spoonies, thanks to my friend Liz. Maybe Facebook used to have a feature where if you tried naming your group or page something that was already on Facebook, you had to name it something different, but it doesn’t seem to be the case anymore.

Feel free to check it out, join, share, and of course add friends!!!

I will be editing and adding to this post for a while as my support group slowly gets bigger.

If you have any questions or just want to talk to someone,  you can contact me at any of my Social Media Sites or on my Contact Me page.

Depression · Expression · Health · Personal · Truth · Writing

Support Needed…Please

I am very embarrassed to be publicly posting this for everyone to see, but I could really use some support. There are things in my life that I have spent years trying to deal with, and each time I think I finally moved on and dealt with it, something happens and it all comes rushing back and tilts my world all over again. I know I am not explaining myself well, and I apologize for that, but as much as I would love to explain it all in detail, I am not comfortable doing that. All I can say is that I could really use some distractions, some silly pictures or comments. I am the only one who can deal with this, but I would love to feel like I am not alone.

A Day In The Life With Chronic Pain · Awareness · Chronic Fatigue Syndrome · Chronic Illness · Chronic Pain · Depression · Endometriosis · Expression · Health · Inspiration · Interstitial Cystitis · Invisible Illness · Personal · Writing

The Bright Side Of Disability…?

When most people are diagnosed with a Chronic Illness, me included, forget to try and find the small sliver of hope and try and see the good things about having a Chronic Illness. I know, you’re thinking how can there be anything at all that is good since being diagnosed with a Chronic Illness and having your whole world spin out of control?! 

I admit, it has taken me years to finally do the best I can to see the good things that have come into my life and the lessons I have learned since being diagnosed despite all the new and difficult changes I had to make in order to deal with my illness better.

Here are a few of the things I have noticed since being diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis, Endometriosis, Pelvic Floor Dysfunction, Anxiety and Depression four years ago. There are so many things I have noticed since being diagnosed that this post would end up being almost as long as a book, so here are just a few of the things I have noticed most of all.

You are grateful for all of the little things in your life. You know how precious time is and you don’t waste it. You are more compassionate to others. You recognize the beauty in the little things. And most of all, I have learned that you are never ever alone. You will always have the Spoonie Community to help you. Reach out, there are so many amazing resources and support options out there, you just have to reach out. You never know how reaching out can help you as well as others. Please reach out, you never know how someone’s life will be affected by you and your story. All we want is to never have to deal with it alone, and thanks to the amazing support options available, we should never have to.

In my newly created group One Spoon At A Time, I asked this very question and here are some of the responses I got shortly after posting in the group.

Celina-Because if my food sensitivities and diet restrictions I’ve lost about 50lbs.

Elaine –Saving money by not going out as often.

Emily- I don’t have to deal with boy-drama because I can’t date 

Karley- I’ve gotten closer with my grandma and spending a lot more time with my husband

Ty-I’ve become more humble and understanding of other’s limitations.

 Janelle-I’ve learned to become patient. I’ve been overly active all of my life. I used to feel guilty for calling in sick to work. I also felt guilty for laying on the couch and watching tv during the day when I was sick. I always felt like I should clean and do laundry, so I usually did. I’ve learned with IC, PFD, and clitorodynia that when I’m flaring it’s OKAY to lay around watching tv. The cleanliness of my house is no longer my top priority, my health is.

 Kristy- All the time I want with my grandson.

MaryJo- I surely have learned not to judge as much you never know what a person has gone through

Cher-Genuine Friendships.